The following list was presented to the ladies of The
Embassy by Julie Schulze on November 3.
What follows is a combination of her notes, Maggie’s notes, and my
thoughts. Today’s post contains numbers
one through five of ten characteristics you should want in a husband. Numbers six through ten will be posted
tomorrow.
1. You should want to marry a guy that displays
a high level of commitment to your relationship.
Every couple will be “incompatible” in some areas. I’ve heard it said that anybody who has been
married for more than 15 minutes has grounds for divorce. I told Maggie early in our dating
relationship that I don’t believe in divorce.
Not that I don’t believe it happens, but that Biblically if we were to
marry I don’t think we should ever divorce.
We’re committed to making the marriage work no matter what. Ephesians 5:22-33 describes marriage as a
picture of the relationship between Christ and the church. Christ left eternal glory to live and then
die a horrible death on the earth to restore the church’s broken relationship
with God. That is the standard that a husband should have for commitment to the relationship.
2. You should want to marry a guy that is collaborative
with you.
In marriage there should be no problems between you and your
husband. You and your husband should be
working together to solve problems. In
order to protect the marriage you have to see yourselves as a team fighting
together to solve the problem. If your
marriage is going to be successful you cannot be individuals fighting for what
you want. If a guy always has to have his way early in the relationship it will not get any better in marriage. Philippians 2:1-3 should be true of a believer in every relationship,
but especially in the most important human relationship, which is your
marriage. This does not come easily or
naturally as in our fallen state human nature is selfishness. Maggie and I still have much work to do in
this area, but because we are committed to the relationship (see number 1), I
do believe we will get there and continue working to stay there.
3. You should want to marry a guy that
appreciates the value of communication.
This may come as a shock, but most guys do not enjoy endless
hours of talk. We also have a tendency
to avoid talking about these mythical things most women believe in called “feelings”. In all seriousness, guys and girls
communicate very differently. If you’re
looking for a man who communicates the same way you do you’re probably going to
be looking for a long time. What you are
looking for though is a guy who will have the hard conversations even if they’re
awkward and uncomfortable. (Quick side note: If you want a guy to be open with
you about his feelings you need to affirm and RESPECT him when he does. Respect is to a man what love is to a
woman. If you belittle him, criticize
him, or tell him why he shouldn’t feel the way he does he won’t be quick to
open up again.) All of this also relates
to Ephesians 5:22-33.
Maggie and I are both introverted and
conflict-avoiders. We have had to learn
and are still learning to be open about our feelings about the marriage, our
hurts and disappointments with each other and life, etc. Again, see point number 1. We’re committed to the marriage so we’re
learning what we have to do to make it work.
4. You should want a guy that is, or is working
towards, being financially responsible.
You don’t have to marry a guy who has a huge bank account or
a guy who has a high salary. You should
marry a guy who has the ability and demonstrates the level of responsibility to
provide for a family. God gave the men
the primary responsibility for financial provision in the family. If he makes a ton of money but spends more
than he makes he is not financially responsible. If he doesn’t make much money but works hard
at his job and is wise with what he does make, he is. 1 Timothy 5:8 says that a man that does not
provide for his own household is denied the faith and is worse than an
unbeliever.
I don’t have a huge bank account and I don’t have a high
salary right now, but I make enough to provide for the two of us and if I had
to quit seminary and ministry to make more money in the event of something
unexpected happening I would. I have
made it clear to Maggie over and over again that I believe it is my
responsibility to provide for our family and I will do whatever I have to do to
do so.
5. You should want a guy that values his
relationship with his family.
Similar to communication, guys will usually relate to their
families in a different way than you do so don’t be too critical of a guy if he’s
not as close to his family as you are. This
is especially true in cross-cultural relationships. What may be unimaginable to you could be the
norm in his culture. Do, though, pay
attention to the way he talks to them and about them. Is he respectful in listening and talking to
his parents and siblings even if he disagrees?
If he comes from a broken home is he still harboring anger and hurt or
has he at least come to internal peace about his past even if the relationships
aren’t completely restored? There are
numerous Bible passages indicating the importance of family. A man who is not at peace with family is not
at peace with God.
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