How to Not Treat Your Christian Sisters with Absolute Purity

This is part one of a two part recap of the discussion points I brought up for guys night at The Embassy on November 3.  

Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.

 1 Timothy 5:1-2

How to not treat a sister with absolute purity

Consistently send text messages, make phone calls, initiate one-on-one hangouts, invite her personally to group hangouts, or anything else along these lines without making it clear to her what your intentions are, especially if you don’t know what your intentions are.

There are differences across the many cultures represented in The Embassy, but I think across most cultures if you are consistently initiating conversations or one-on-one hangouts outside of group social gatherings you’re going to indicate to a woman that you have an interest.

Use some common sense with the above statement.  I am not saying that under no circumstances can you ever text, call, or hang out with a girl you’re not dating and haven’t asked for a date.  I am saying be careful that you don’t lead anyone on and don’t try to spinelessly backdoor your way into a relationship (one where you never state your intentions but hang out with a girl one-on-one for months and then act surprised when she asks if your relationship is going anywhere).  You’re the man, which means you initiate, you lead, and you take the risks.

There is no one Bible verse that clearly lays this out but what we know from Scripture as a whole is that in God’s design for men and women, men are called to be leaders, and that leadership is manifested primarily through the provision for and protection of women in ways appropriate for each relationship.  Provision and protection are not merely limited to physical provision and protection but include spiritual, emotional, and financial protection in ways appropriate for each relationship.  You are not protecting your sisters emotionally if you lead them on.  Whether you meant to or not does not affect the end result.   

Be Creepy

No facebook stalking a girl you won’t talk to in real life. 

Don’t say things like, “God told me we should date.”  You’re probably not a prophet and 

you won’t sound like a Godly man, you’ll sound like a creepy man.  I prayed and prayed before I asked Maggie out and felt certain that God had given me the green light to pursue her.  I never told her that until we were in a committed relationship. 

Don’t try to define the relationship on the first date or start talking about marriage immediately.  Intentionality is good, creepiness is not.

Inappropriate physical contact

Obviously sex is sin, and this includes oral or touching her breasts.  I don’t know where the line is because the Bible doesn’t tell us.  Paul says treat your sisters with absolute purity.  Keep that in mind.  Absolute purity. 

Something you need to understand about sexual contact with a woman is that it is not only sin when you do it, there is going to be residual guilt and shame for both of you for a long time, but especially for the woman.  She will feel dirty and shameful for years.  It will affect her sexual relationship with her husband years later.  If your wife knows that you have slept with other girls it will affect your sexual relationship in marriage.

Paul says that every sin but sex is sin outside the body, but sex is a sin against your own body (1 Corinthians 6:18).  Sexual sin can be forgiven just like any other sin, but there is something about sexual sin that is different.  Sexual sin often leads to a host of other sinful thoughts and behaviors.  If you are having sex or any kind of contact with a girl you are not married to you are not just sinning against God you are being incredibly selfish and destructive.  You are destroying her heart, you are destroying her view of her body, and harming her future sexual relationship with her husband.   

Date without the intention of marriage

As a single guy in your 20’s, dating is for the purpose of marriage, no exceptions.  Again, use your common sense here.  I’m not saying you can’t ask a girl for a date unless you know you’re going to marry her.  I am saying if you’re not ready to get married you don’t date.  If you do, you’re wasting your time, her time, and setting one or both of you up for a broken heart.  Absolute purity goes beyond physical purity to emotional and spiritual purity as well.  If you’re dating without the purpose of finding a wife you are not treating your sisters with emotional purity.