This is part two of a two part recap of the discussion
points I brought up for guys night at The Embassy on November 3.
Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your
father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute
purity.
1
Timothy 5:1-2
How to treat a sister with absolute
purity
Pursue with
intentionality
Spend time in prayer before you take any action. Ask God if there are any areas of your life
you need to straighten out before you begin dating.
If you have an interest in a girl, ask her for a date and
make it clear you’re asking for a date.
Get to know her but don’t let things go to deep on the first date or the
next two or three. At some point early
on you need to let her know what your intentions are. This is awkward and scary, but you need to do
it. In doing this you are establishing
yourself as the leader and you are protecting her emotions. It may be a little scary for her at first, so
be patient if she needs some time. If
she says no, respect that.
Make emotional and
spiritual deposits, not withdrawals
You should be building her up, not tearing her down. You should be pointing her towards Christ,
not pulling her away from Christ. In
order to do these things you must be content with who you are in Christ, where
you are in life and where you’re headed, and walking with Jesus. If any of those things are not true of your
life you should not invite a woman into your life because you’ll be looking to
her to fix you when you should be looking to Jesus for fixing what is broken
within you.
Lead
Early on you need to clearly lay out what your vision for
the future is. Not your vision for the
two of you, but what you believe your calling is and your plan for living that
out. God’s design is men provide and
protect, wives help. When you ask a
woman to marry you, you are asking her to join you in your calling. She needs to know early on what you’re going
to be asking her to join you in if things progress to marriage.
I would say that it is not wise to enter a relationship if
you’re not prepared to get married within 12-18 months, but there is no
timeline on moving from dating to committed relationship to engagement to
marriage. However long it takes, you
need to be the one leading that progression.
The Biblical pattern is you initiate, she responds.
Set the standards
You should be the one setting the physical and spiritual
standards and ensuring that you follow through.
You should be the one making sure you’re asking each other the right
questions prior to engagement and marriage.
You should be the one asking older couples to help you make sure you’re
on the right path.
If it needs to end,
end it like a man
If you reach a point where you
can’t see yourself marrying her, be honest with her about that and end the
relationship. Don’t let it drag on when
you know it’s not going anywhere. Don’t
just let it die though, talk to her face to face.
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